Where Are They Now?
by GirlBehindTheRedDoor
Summary: When a young Brooke Davis left Tree Hill, she endured some of the worst years of her life. Now she's back, hoping to find the life she always longed for. Can friendship, love and an attempt at family be the answer? Or will it break her apart for good?
1. Prologue

**This is my first One Tree Hill story, called 'Where Are They Now?' It's set around season three, and is the story of Brooke who left Tree Hill years ago and has now decided to come back. Because of this, Lucas and Peyton dated for a while but after complications they split, still having feelings for each other. Nathan and Haley got married at the end of season 1 and now Haley is on tour with Chris Keller. Dan is running for Mayor, with Deb by his side wanting a divorce. So after that bit of background information, check out my story and let me know what you think. This is just a prologue that I'm hoping to develop into something more. So enjoy!**

**Where Are They Now - Prologue**

Staring up at the house, I took a deep breath. I wasn't even sure I should be doing this, it had been so long. Peyton Sawyer used to be my best friend – we were everything to each other. But now, coming back, how could I even begin to think that things would be the same all these years later. She probably had a new group of friends, and a boyfriend for all I knew! When I left she had a crush on Nathan Scott of all people, and in her letters she always used to write how amazing she thought he was, and how she'd become 'Mrs Peyton Scott' when she was older. I wondered to myself as I stood on the sidewalk if that ever happened.

I was eleven when we moved away from Tree Hill, and being young I thought it would be an adventure. But it was the start of the most horrific six years of my life, and now I'm seventeen, I know leaving home and moving back to Tree Hill is the best thing I'll ever do. After all, it's not like I'm leaving anything behind. I don't have a mother, not really. When I left her she was passed out in a sea of Budweiser, as her latest male friend ate us out of house and home.

The letters from Peyton stopped after the first year or so. She moved to Tree Hill High and I tried to settle in to my own high school in Florida. We last spoke when I emailed around fourteen months ago, but never received a reply. What makes me think she'll want to see me now, I have no idea. But I have no-where else to go, and no idea what to do.

I feel like I'm running on an automatic switch as I force my feet to her door, and lift the big brass door knocker. I let it fall, once, twice, and then stand back, shuffling my suitcase behind me, ashamed that I'm here at all. I can hear my heartbeat thudding in my ears, as the mistakable click of a lock is sounded. It swings open, and standing there with a look of pure shock on her face is my former best friend, Peyton Sawyer. The curls I'd come to know so well had gone, straight blonde hair in its place. She might be older with a different hair style, but she was exactly the same as I remembered her.

"Oh my god, Brooke Davis what are you doing here?" She cried, not quite knowing what to do. I knew it would be awkward, six years of hardly speaking and I expected to be welcomed with open arms.

"I'm sorry to barge in Peyton –" I began, breaking off as she noticed my suitcase. "It's just," I began again; "I didn't know what else to do."

"Wow," Peyton gasped. "I can't believe you're back, I thought old Victoria Davis had taken you away for good."

"Well," I shrugged my shoulders. "Me too, but it seems old Victoria Davis loves her bottle more than she loves her daughter."

Peyton's hand flew up to mouth. "Oh no," she sighed, pulling me into a hug as all the memories came flooding back. "Brooke, what happened?"

"Too much to explain on a doorstep," I smiled sadly. "Do you mind if we go for a walk like old times, I'll explain everything, I promise."

"Of course, of course," Peyton fiddled around on the side table for her keys, grabbed my suitcase and placed it inside before she locked up. As she turned her back on me to pull the key out of the door, I exhaled. I knew we wouldn't know what to say to each other, and part of me wished I'd never come.

"Brooke," she said so quietly I could have missed it as she turned back around, tears glinting in her eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't write more."

"That's okay," I told her sincerely. "I'm back now, that's the main thing."


	2. Chapter 1  Places You Have Come To Fear

**Thank you for reading the prologue, now here is the first chapter of Where Are They Now! Like the show, I'm going to name every chapter after a song title that I think relates to the content in some way. So here it is, read and enjoy! **

**Chapter 1 – The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most**

The waves rolled gently onto shore, as the night air whipped around my body. I hugged my jacket tighter to myself, and thanked God or whoever was out there that I was back in Tree Hill. It had been an emotional rollercoaster of a day, and I'd only spoken to one person. But in the time Peyton and I caught up with everything over the last six years, I realised more and more how hard it would be to go back to the way things were.

I tried to explain everything. The way that my mum had drunk herself into the darkest version of herself she could find, the way she spent money like it had no value, and ultimately lost most of it. I had spent most of the last six years living in a disgusting couple of rooms that although I tried my best to keep clean and habitable, it never worked. The bills were hardly paid, until I was old enough to get a job and try and work things out for myself. The worst part about all of this was that my mother never cared. Not one bit. She'd see me day in day out struggling to make ends meet, and still she swore like a sailor at me and hurled abuse whenever her fifth can started to take effect. After six long years, I had had enough. I hoped I wasn't weak by feeling this way, I hoped even the strongest of people would crack after a while.

And so telling Peyton was extremely difficult. Not all because I felt like she wasn't my friend, but because the more I told her, the worse she felt. "Why didn't you call?" she kept asking me. "Why?" And to that I had no answer. But it's a two way street. She never called either, and with that I thought she never cared. Peyton knew this, and slowly I could see the guilt starting to chip away at her, but I would never ever blame this on her. I just wanted her to know what had happened. After two hours of sharing half my life story, I knew it was enough for one day.

"You're staying with me tonight, right?" She'd asked. "After everything ... it would just make me feel better to know you were safe. Larry's not at home, you can sleep in there if you'd like ... Brooke?" she asked as I turned away from her, a little ashamed that she felt like she had to have me.

"I don't think that would be the best idea tonight, Peyton. I have a room booked at a hotel with the money from my last wage slip." I turned around to face her. "It's not that I don't appreciate the offer, it's just that ... is it just me or is this really weird?"

Peyton sighed, and I knew she felt the same. I'd bet it felt like a dream for her, to learn so much about the girl she used to be best friends with, and all in a few hours. "It is kind of," she whispered. "But Brooke, I can't believe all of that happened to you, and I sat there at home and moped about Nathan and Lucas and_ all_ of that _crap_, when you were out there, cold and starving and going through hell. It puts things in perspective for me. And tonight you need to be in a warm and safe place, knowing that your mum's next boyfriend isn't going to be the one waking you up. It's Friday night, Brooke. Just stay at mine, please?"

I nodded reluctantly, at that point letting her guide me back to hers. We tried to talk about little things like the latest music or television shows, but I didn't know about any of that. I felt so out of touch with the world and the longer Peyton spoke to me the more I thought I should have made a completely fresh start.

When we arrived back it was half past nine, and I was exhausted. Sitting around the television in the front room, I felt the most accepted I'd been for a long time. I almost started to relax. It was a peculiar feeling, being in a house I'd stayed in so many times before; and yet everything being so different. Waiting for Peyton to fall asleep, I slipped out the front door. And that's how I ended up at the beach, running my hands through the fine grains of sand and wishing I could start again.

*** SIX YEARS EARLIER ***

"_Brooke Davis, will you hurry up? We need to leave ... now!" _

_The immortal words I'd been ignoring for the past hour were now sounding again. I didn't want to leave. I loved Tree Hill, I loved my best friend Peyton, and mom was rushing into things as always. _

"_BROOKE!"_

"_Okay, okay," I called as I ran down the stairs of our huge house to meet her, her face like thunder. "But I don't see why we have to leave!"_

"_You know why! If your dad wasn't such an inconsiderate bastard then we could stay. But he's the one who left us Brooke, and now the whole neighbourhood knows!"_

_I sighed, hating the way she spoke about him like that. All of the arguing between them would be enough to drive anyone away. _

"_So what! Yeah, dad left, people know about it, but why do you always have to make things worse mom? You have no idea what's best for me, and I want to stay here."_

"_Oh Brooke," she laughed harshly. "Do you really think I care right now? Anyway, you'll like Florida honey I promise." Her sweet facade was back, the way she pretended to turn things round to make out like she'd picked Florida for me, when in fact it was because it was completely in the opposite direction to where Dad had gone." _

"_Fine," I said, admitting defeat. "Just let me say goodbye to Peyton."_

_Only I never got chance to do that. Mom's phone rang and all of a sudden she sprang into panic. I never found out what the man on the other end said, but all I know is that it was also the reason we had to leave. Something to do with dad, and something to do with the man on the phone, that was what plunged my mother into despair, and that was the reason for my tears that rolled down my cheeks, racing the rain down the car window as we sped away from Tree Hill. _

_***SIX YEARS LATER***_

My eyes watered just thinking about it. The way we'd ran away from problems that I still didn't have a clue what they were. I'd never forgive her, and in some ways I'd never forgive my Dad either. But what could I do about that now? Chances were, neither of them cared what I thought. They didn't then, and they wouldn't now.

Brushing the sand from my clothes I got up, I saw a figure approaching me from a good few metres away. I could tell it was a guy, and his head was cocked slightly to the side, his short hair ruffling slightly in the breeze. I stayed where I was, feet planted in the sea of gold as the stranger came closer and closer.


	3. Chapter 2 Only Fooling Myself

**Next chapter is here! Thank you for the reviews on the last one too, I really appreciate it. So please, read and enjoy!**

**Chapter 2 – Only Fooling Myself**

"Brooke Davis?" I heard his voice, familiar even after all these years.

It was Peyton's ex-boyfriend, Lucas Scott. A guy I hardly knew at the tender age of eleven, but apparently was a bit of something now we'd all grown up. Peyton had tried to fill me in on what happened between them, but the antics of young lovers were something that now left me cold inside.

As he grew closer I could see his blonde hair through the darkness, his eyes fixed on me like he was really surveying every movement and every breath I took. His shirt rippled in the wind across his muscular frame. I guess now I could see why Peyton fell for him. But there was something in the way he looked at me, that made me feel vulnerable, as if with one look he was already breaking the walls down I'd put up around myself ... and I didn't even the know the guy well.

"Well look who it is," he said kindly, stopping a couple of metres away from me. "You probably won't remember me, but I know exactly who you are."

"I know you," I told him. "You're Lucas, Peyton's ex, right?"

"Yeah," he laughed. "Although 'Peyton's ex' isn't really what I want to go by."

"Right," I almost laughed myself. "Sorry, I'll remember that one."

"You've seen her, right? Peyton, I mean." He asked, stepping a little closer, his voice carrying in the breeze."

"Yeah," I told him. "We spent all afternoon together, caught up."

"Right," he said, sitting down. And what could I do but sit back down next to him? "What did she say?" He turned to look at me, seeming genuinely interested in what I had to say. But not in the way some guys would be, as if they thought it would lead to something else. No, he really wanted to listen.

"Not much," I gave him a completely unsatisfactory answer. "It was mainly me talking if I'm honest. I had a lot to say."

I don't know why I wasn't telling him what Peyton had said. How much she missed him, how deep down she wanted him back. That was probably what he wanted to hear. But why should I tell him, he was quite frankly a stranger to me.

"Look," he began, taking a deep breath. "Peyton used to talk about you a lot, how much she missed you. I don't know if she told you that. Sometimes she closes herself off from other people," he ran a hand through his hair, "course you already know that. I just wanted to mention that she really did miss you."

I didn't know what to say, I knew she missed me, of course she did. But I couldn't pretend part of me wasn't hurt that she stopped calling, stopped caring. "Right," I responded blankly, wanting to change the subject as I stared out across the ocean. "So what happened between you two then?"

He laughed again, and it was so infectious it couldn't help but make me smile. "It's complicated. We dated for a while, but things didn't work out."

"Oh?" I asked, faking my interest, "how come?"

The wind breezed around us, carrying our voices into the night air. I counted the stars above me as I waited for him to answer, and I wondered about my life, about how I ended up here, feeling broken and confused and talking to random guys on the beach. Part of me knew Lucas wasn't random, but part of me wanted to pretend that was all he was.

"We ... had a conflict of interests from time to time, I guess you could say. There was another guy, I don't know, it all got a bit –"

"Complicated, right," I guessed, nodding. "Isn't everyone's life?"

He looked at me then, really looked at me, like he was seeing me for the first time. "What's your story, Brooke?"

I couldn't do this anymore, not with him. It was one thing talking to Peyton, but I wasn't ready to share my story with the world, or with Lucas Scott. I stood up, making myself clear. "I don't have a story," I told him as he sat looking up at me. "I have to go, if Peyton wakes up and finds me gone ..."

Turning away from him, I took a couple of steps forward, when I heard him speak again. As I turned back around, he was facing out to the ocean. It was as if he was talking to himself, yet every word was meant for my ears.

"No man, for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true." He paused, standing himself and looking at me like he knew I had more than a story to tell. "Do you know who wrote that?"

I shook my head silently.

"It doesn't really matter ... what matters it that's it's true. Don't hide yourself away, Brooke. Don't pretend you're okay if you're not, because I can see right through that." He paused again, waiting for me to respond. His eyes pierced mine, calling me to say something. When I didn't, he started to walk away, leaving me with my thoughts, and a final "Goodnight, Brooke Davis."

****1 WEEK LATER****

"I don't know if I can do this, Peyton."

It was Monday, my first day back at Tree Hill High. I wasn't going to lie, I was absolutely petrified. I'd spent the past week with Peyton, just talking. A week didn't erase the past six years, but it was the start of my new chapter. Peyton had been amazing; we'd talked, cried, and laughed over the things we'd had to tell each other. As far as I was concerned, our relationship at this point had never felt stronger. She'd helped me enrol at school, and so here I was, sitting in the passenger seat of the 'comet' as we waited on the car park.

"You're going to be fine, don't you remember, you _were _the most popular girl in school."

"Yeah, back in middle school!" I cried, exasperated. "Everyone's going to ask questions and bug me about where I've been ... maybe I should just go back to yours for the day. I'll come tomorrow Peyton, I promise."

She shook her head fiercely, her straightened hair swishing around. "No way. If it makes you feel better we can give you a story or something, your mom got a new job in L.A and decided you were old enough to come back on your own. No-one can ask questions about that," she tapped me jokingly on the knee, "it's completely legitimate. Come on, Brooke. I promised my dad on the phone I'd get you to school today, and let's face it – you have a lot of catching up to do."

Normally, I'd go along with this plan straight away. But I couldn't help think what Lucas said last week, about wearing one face to yourself and another to the multitude. That was exactly what this plan involved, but I just wasn't ready yet. Maybe Lucas Scott could do it, but I certainly couldn't. I just had to hope that if I saw him, he wouldn't say a word.

"Right, course," I said to Peyton, putting on a smile. We stepped out of the car, and as I breathed in the unfamiliar school air, I prayed I'd be able to get through just one day.


	4. Chapter 3 Maybe

**Next chapter is here! This is kind of a fill-in between chapters 2 and 4 so it's not too long. Next update should be soon, so please read and review! **

**Chapter 3 – Maybe**

Bodies moved around me, jostling me one way or another, as I backed up against a random set of lockers, my eyes closing. I'd been here literally ten minutes, and Peyton had gone to get me some water from the cafeteria. I knew really she just wanted to see if I could make it somewhere by myself though, and it was strange to me because I was normally a really independent girl, yet since I'd been back I'd felt reliant on Peyton all of the time. My eyes fluttered back open, back to the stream of high school students that milled around me. I clocked a pair making out by the water fountain and quickly diverted my attention.

As far as I could tell, my first English class was down the end of the corridor and to the right. This was just school, I could do this for one day. And after one day, I could do two days, and maybe even a week, and then I'd be fine. I set off with a deep breath, finding the classroom quickly. I looked around me, and spotted three faces I already knew: Peyton, sitting next to Nathan, sitting next to Lucas. All three smiled when they saw me. Peyton was proud, Nathan was shocked and Lucas was ... well, Lucas had this undistinguishable half smile on his face, and I could feel the heat rising up to my cheeks.

"Brooke Davis!" Nathan laughed, "God, people are like frickin buses. You wait years for one to come along and then two come back at once!"

"Nate," Lucas sighed, giving him a look.

"Whatever," Nathan retorted, looking at me properly then. "Sorry, Brooke. It's good to see you again. Where've you been?"

"Oh, just Florida," I felt my voice waver, and changed the subject quickly. "But it's good to see you too. Peyton told me about what's been going on, and I'm sorry Nathan, I really am."

He turned his cap backwards on his head, taking a deep breath in and out. "Yeah, thanks."

I took the seat to the right of Peyton, not properly looking at either her or Lucas. Truth was, even though I had so many of my own problems, I still wanted to help Nathan. I wasn't the only one who was suffering. Peyton had told me everything that had happened between him and Haley, and that now she was back, and that things weren't going so well between them. I felt like I'd walked into a television show or something, the way everyone had a story to tell. When I'd left, Lucas and Nathan didn't even talk, and now they were sitting in class together. Nathan used to be a total jerk even when he was younger, let alone married and kind of separated. It was just odd to think about.

I struggled in class. Actually, I struggled in all of my classes. I couldn't remember anything I'd learnt from school in Florida, but then again, I didn't actually learn a lot from school in Florida. I'd always hated calculus and today was no exception. Quite frankly, I absolutely sucked at it. It was in calculus though that I met Haley.

I was sitting at the back of the class, my head pounding with all of the figures and letters that meant absolutely nothing, when the girl sitting in front of me turned around. She looked friendly enough, and I knew from Peyton's old photos exactly who she was.

"I'm Haley," she introduced herself, her long blonde hair trailing around her shoulders as she sat smiling slightly at my puzzled face.

"Hi," I waved once, "I'm failing at calculus."

She laughed quietly as not to disturb the teacher's lesson, her smile lighting up her face as an idea came into her head. I imagined she hadn't been doing that a lot recently.

"Look, I don't know how much you know about me. I imagine Peyton's filled you in, its Brooke right?"

"Yeah," I told her. "Brooke Davis."

"Cool," she smiled again. "Well whatever anyone has told you – I'm back for good now. And ... I could use someone to tutor if you're interested." She shrugged. "I'm good, honest. I used to tutor Nathan last year, and if you're looking for any help maybe I could tutor you for a while too."

I hesitated, thinking rapidly of the easiest way I could say no. It wasn't that I didn't help, because I really did. I actually didn't know what my reasoning was, something just felt wrong about it.

"Okay," she smiled, sensing how I felt. "Don't make your mind up just yet, but come and find me tomorrow if you're interested, okay?"

With that she turned around, leaving me with the knowledge that I actually really did need a tutor. I knew Peyton was angry with Haley though, and the last thing I wanted was for Peyton to be angry with me as well, especially after she'd been so great with everything.

But the day was finally over, and as I sat in the comet I let the relief wash over me, filling me up right down to my toes. Surprisingly, my day had actually been okay. Not too many questions had been asked, and when they were I just answered that I'd been away in Florida, and now I was back. It couldn't get any simpler. Lucas caught me explaining this to a few old friends at lunch, when I met up with Bevin. Her bubbly personality made you forgot every problem, as she babbled on about pop stars and cheerleading and hairstyles. I watched Lucas walk past though, knowing he could hear every single word. From the look on his face, he knew that every word was a lie too, which was all the more reason to avoid him. Lucas had this way of telling how you felt before you knew it yourself. It was a quality that I admired, but one that scared me at the same time.

Just then, Peyton opened the door and joined me in the car. "Okay, give me your verdict. How was it?"

"Good," I found myself smiling. "I sucked in every single lesson I had, but otherwise it was good. How was your day?"

"Oh you know – the usual. Haley trying to pretend everything's okay," she reversed the car, "Lucas being broody, Nathan pouting," a hint of a smile crept across her face when she spotted my raised eyebrow. "I'm kidding. Nathan's been through so much though, and it's all Haley's fault. I don't see how she can come back thinking that everyone's going to welcome her with open arms. Apart from Lucas, that is."

I paused, wondering whether to tell her while she was driving. "Oh, I met her today. She seemed nice."

"Of course she did, doesn't change what she did though."

We sped past the shops and restaurants, and for the umpteenth time this week the memories came flooding back.

"No, course not," I snapped back into reality. "It's just that ... she asked me if I wanted a tutor."

"Ha," Peyton laughed. "And by a tutor she meant herself, right? Tell me you said no."

"Well, I didn't know what to say. I do need a tutor, and she needs a friend." I shrugged. "Seems like a win-win."

Peyton pulled up at the traffic lights, her hands resting lazily on the steering wheel as she looked out across the street. "Brooke, if you want her to tutor you, ask her to tutor you. Just don't be surprised when she runs off on the next rock tour, okay?"

"Sure," I smiled, remembering Peyton's feisty side. "I'll remember that."

"So considering you've had quite a productive day today B Davis, fancy going to a party tonight?"

"Oh," I stalled. "I don't know if I'm ready for that, Peyton. And anyway, I thought you said you were done with Tric?"

"Tric I _am _done with, but this isn't my party. It's at the beach."

The beach I could do. Lots of places to sneak off if it gets too much, and I knew Peyton wouldn't mind if I wanted to bail.

"Fine," I agreed. "But I am permitted to –"

"- leave at any point, of course," she nodded, finishing my sentence, "as long as you just try it. You've missed a lot around here, B Davis."


	5. Chapter 4 Hear You Me

**Next chapter is here! This is mainly of the party, and a bit more of Brooke/Lucas to look forward to. Hope you enjoy, please read and review (:**

**Chapter 4 – Hear You Me**

I dusted the sand from my shorts as I avoided the mass of heaving people all running to stand around the roaring bonfire in the middle of the party. Bevin was saying something about this being a year to remember to all the people who were crowded around her, and how we had to make the most of high school because we were nearly seniors and then it would be over. I half-listened to her from where I stood on the outskirts of the group. I felt included and turned away at the same time. Everyone had been extremely welcoming, and no-one had asked too many questions at all. Well, except Lucas. It wasn't that he'd asked me questions directly, but he managed to ask them with his eyes, as if I could see every doubtful thought he had in just one look.

"Hey girly," Peyton whispered, sneaking up behind me.

"Oh hey, I thought you'd be over there with the 'cool kids'," I laughed, making quote marks with my fingers.

"Well I am a 'cool kid', but you are too in case you'd forgotten. Or you will be as soon as you've settled back in a little bit. You're not worrying about this are you?"

"No, no," I answered honestly, "of course not. I just don't really know what to do with myself tonight that's all."

Peyton smiled, turning me in the direction of the lifeguards. "Go. Talk. Now."

"But Peyton," I moaned, "what if I –"

"No! Go now before I march you over there myself!"

Grudgingly I did as she said, making my way over to the group of nicely tanned, six-pack laden bodies, who grinned suggestively when they saw me. This was a bad idea, I could just tell.

"Hi guys," I smiled awkwardly.

"Well hey," one slung his arm around me, "fancy a little skinny dipping?"

"Ha," I laughed, "maybe later. No actually I was just hoping for a bit of light conversation."

"And a beer," another guy decided. "Hey Pete!" He called over to a guy by the keg. "Bring our friend a drink over, eh?"

I threw my hands up, stepping backwards. "Oh," I stammered. "I don't drink, actually."

I watched their eyebrows rise. What was the point in me being here if I didn't drink, right? But I couldn't do it. I couldn't turn into her.

"Okay," his hand went to the small of my back, calling 'scratch that' to Pete who rolled his eyes by the keg. "So you don't skinny dip and you don't drink ... do you tell guys your name?"

"I'm Brooke," I told him, remembering what Peyton had said to me earlier. Apparently, if I didn't make an effort to get to know some guys tonight she'd take me to every party until I did. It was funny; the old Peyton didn't strike me as the type of girl who'd grow up to enjoy every party. And that's when I realised it ... that all of this was for my sake. If I wasn't so desperate for a bit of fun, she probably wouldn't bother being here all night.

"Brooke," he nodded. "I'm Darren."

"Nice to meet you," I laughed as he turned me away from the other guys, allowing us to walk a little on the beach.

"So how come I haven't seen you round here before, Brooke? I do make an effort of knowing all the cheerleaders from Tree Hill, are you new?"

"I'm not a cheerleader," I smiled, as he looked at me, interested.

"You're not? That must be why we don't know each other then," he winked. "I was just telling one of the guys earlier ..."

At this point I'd stopped listening, because I could see Lucas staring at me from across the beach, as he pretended to listen to the red-headed girl who was so obviously coming onto him. I watched him let her down, and her persist as she followed him over to Peyton who was dj-ing.

"Brooke?" Darren said then, bringing me back to my own reality. "I just asked you a question, are you okay?"

"What yeah, I mean no actually, I'm feeling a little faint." I began to walk away, apologising. "I'm going to go and sit down for a bit, it was really nice to meet you though."

I reached Peyton, one headphone up to her ear as she smirked at what the red-headed girl was saying. When she saw me she dropped the headphones, peering over my shoulder at the lifeguard Darren in the distance, walking away. "Did you just turn him down!"

"No," I stalled, not looking at Lucas. "It just wasn't really working."

She grinned, knowing that meant 'despite your best efforts, I'm not interested'.

"Oh those guys," the red-head chirped in. "They'll go for anything with a pulse."

Despite the fact that she was being deliberately malicious, something intrigued me about her. "I'm Rachel," she told me. "I'm new here too."

"Oh, Brooke's not new," Peyton told her. "She's just moved back."

"Right," Rachel said, waving that off. "What was the guy's name you were talking to?"

"Darren," I informed her, watching as she checked him out from where we stood.

"Great. Be right back!" She winked. I had a feeling they'd get on well together.

Lucas laughed, looking at me as he spoke to Peyton, who was now engrossed in her music again. "What is her deal? I swear he's the eighth guy she's come on to tonight."

"How am I supposed to know?" Peyton shrugged. "Come here Brooke. Pick the next song will you?"

It was heading towards midnight, and I'd actually found myself having fun tonight. I'd spoken to some nice guys, I'd caught up with a few friends, and I was starting to forget about where I'd come from. Instead I was looking to the future, and what my life would be like if I stayed put in Tree Hill. I'd retired from the party that was still raging on into the night air, and sat by myself a few metres away, closer to the beach houses than the bonfire.

I knew it was him before I even looked, because after all, he'd been waiting for his chance to talk all night.

"Hi Lucas," I called, not bothering to look round.

I heard his infectious laugh, trailing across the breeze and passing me by. "How did you guess?" he asked, sitting next to me.

"Please, I've seen you looking tonight." I turned towards him, waiting out the silence.

"... You're pretending you're okay; to Peyton, to your friends, to everyone here tonight. I just thought you might want someone to tell the truth to. I know we don't really know each other, but I'd love to get to know you, Brooke Davis."

I could feel my breathing increase, and I honestly couldn't remember meeting a more sincere guy before. But then again, I didn't even know Lucas. What if this was all an act? Emotions welled up in me, and I really just wanted to tell him everything. But my heart was too guarded, and my past had made sure of that. This act that he could see right through, pretending to like the lifeguards and faking that I was okay, all I really wanted was for someone to understand. And here he was.

"Brooke," he whispered when I didn't say anything. "You can talk to me."

What if it was an act, or what if it wasn't?

"I know," I admitted. "I just don't know if I'm ready to talk yet, Lucas." I edged closer to him, and everything felt so natural as I laid my head on his shoulder, and felt his arm wrap tight around me. "Six years is a lot to tell."

"Well why don't I start by introducing _myself_ properly?" he asked. "Walk with me, Brooke."

He got up, reaching out his hands to help me stand.

"But why?"

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I cursed myself mentally. Here was someone who wanted to help me, and it seemed like I was throwing it back in his face.

"Sorry?" He asked, confused.

"It's just, why do you want to help me so much, Lucas? I love how you're a nice guy, and it's so comforting to have, but why is it me you want to help?"

"I-," he paused, not knowing quite what to say. "I can't explain it Brooke, it just feels right. I'll go though, if you want me to. I mean if this is weird ..."

"No, I'm sorry. God, I'm an idiot," I laughed. "I guess I just never met anyone who cared so much before, other than Peyton."

I linked my arm with his, and away we walked down the beach. No-one could tell from the party, and I hoped they'd just think I went home early.

As Lucas chatted about his family and basketball, I found getting to know him was the easiest thing in the world. But part of me knew, in the back of my mind, that Peyton had found getting to know him easy as well.


	6. Chapter 5 Violet Hill

**Sorry about the delay in updating, I've had a busy couple of weeks! Anyway here is Chapter 5! It's a bit of a shorter chapter but the next one will be longer. Hope you enjoy, please read and review! **

**Chapter 5 – Violet Hill **

"I remember this place."

Somehow, after strolling around the lamp lit streets heading further and further from the noise and bustle of the beach, we'd ended up at the river court. The more we'd come away from the beach, the more comfortable I'd felt around Lucas as he told me all about his life. It hadn't gone un-noticed that in this whole time, I hadn't said a word about myself. That was just the way I liked it. Anyway, Lucas interested me, his story about having this passion for basketball yet loving literature was something I just wanted to hear him talk more about. I learnt about the lives of Haley and Nathan, not the people I used to remember but who they were now.

"Really!" He remarked, taking a seat on the bench. "I didn't think the Brooke Davis' of Tree Hill hung round here, even then."

I stood in front of him, eyebrow raised. "And what makes you think you know anything about eleven year old Brooke Davis?"

"Well, I'd guess at knowing more about her than I do about seventeen year old Brooke Davis, that's for sure."

_Way to ruin the mood,_ I thought to myself. I knew this moment was imminent all night; the point at which Lucas Scott turned the tables and asked me my story.

"Maybe its better that way," I sighed. "Look, it's getting really late and Peyton's going to worry. I'd better go."

I turned away from him, annoyed at how things had ended. We were getting along really well, and Lucas didn't intimidate me anymore, I just knew he was caring and nice, and probably the best guy I'd met in a long time. I could have valued him as my friend, if he didn't keep dropping hints that he wanted _me _to talk.

I felt his hand grab mine, rooting me in place. "Brooke," he breathed, turning me around, and staring into my eyes. "You can't just run away when things get hard. As soon you come up in conversation you leave me out here cold, yet you're willing to spend all night talking about me? What's up with that?"

"Okay, Lucas," I began, feeling myself getting angry. "Maybe I just don't want to talk about myself, has that ever occurred to you? Why do you keep pushing me into this?"

Emotion flitted across his face as he dropped my hand. "I didn't mean to," I shook his head. "I'm not trying to ... I can just tell it would help you if you did."

A distant siren sounded as we stared at each other in the cool, night air. "I'm sorry," I mouthed, hardly audible. Clearing my throat I started again. "I just don't want to." With that I turned away again, making my way across the hard surface of the court, hating myself with every crash of my flip-flop against the tarmac.

"Wait," he called. "I know, I shouldn't have even mentioned it. Just, don't go."

"I have to," I called over my shoulder. "Peyton's waiting."

The house was pitch black when I arrived, except from the flicker of light I could see emanating through the curtains of Peyton's window. I crept into the house and up the stairs, hoping I wouldn't have to tell her who I was with. Not that it would matter to her, it wasn't like there was anything going on, and Peyton didn't even want to be with Lucas any more. I wasn't about to turn into some boyfriend stealing best friend either.

"Hey," she said quietly as I walked through her bedroom door, shutting it gently behind me. "Where did you get to, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just needed to walk away from it all for a while, I –"

Just then I was interrupted by my phone that was ringing in my pocket, I pulled it out, nervously thinking it might be Lucas. I glanced at the caller ID ... Dad?

Shell shocked, I stood in silence for moment. I hadn't spoken to my dad for at least a couple of years, and now he was calling me – at three in the morning! My hands shook slightly as I held the phone, my finger hovering over the 'accept' button.

"What is it?" I heard Peyton ask, but my hearing had gone all fuzzy, and it sounded like Peyton was talking to me from down the end of the street.

"Brooke!" She said more forcefully, as I realised I was missing my chance to say anything to my father. I knew I'd regret ignoring this call.

"It's my dad," I whispered, as I answered the phone, pressing it to my ear but not saying a word. There was silence for a moment, and then his voice filled my ears: the voice that left us, the voice that I was always so angry at, and the voice that had spent the last two years ignoring _my _calls.

"Brooke?" My dad questioned, "Are you there?"

"Yeah," I managed to squeak out. "Yeah, it's me."

"Oh, good," he sighed. "I've been meaning to ring you all day; I just haven't had the time. I realise three in the morning isn't great either ... but anyway," he rambled on, as if this was just another conversation we would have every weekend, not every two years. I could feel the anger rising up in me, coupled with the confusion at everything that was happening right now.

"... I need to speak with your mother, can you put her on?"

I let out a short laugh. "I couldn't if I wanted to, _Dad." _I emphasised the word, expressing my disgust at him. "I'm not in Florida anymore."

"Wait, what!" I heard him exclaim, imagining the way he'd be pacing up and down right now as he always used to. "What do you mean you're not in Florida?"

"I left." I made it short, and to the point. "I couldn't take it anymore. But what about you? I haven't heard from you in two freaking years, Dad. Not phone calls, a birthday card, even a stupid IM message!" I started pacing myself, ignoring Peyton's shocked face staring up at me. She knew this was a big deal.

"Yeah, I know sweetheart," he sounded exasperated – at me! "I just haven't had –"

"Let me guess, the time?" I finished off for him, hating how pathetic the excuse sounded in my mouth. "You know what dad, save your excuses for someone who cares. If you want mom, call her yourself, I don't have anything to do with her anymore."

With that I hung up the phone, my breathing erratic at what I'd just done. Had I stood up for myself, or just blown my big chance to reconnect with my father?

I didn't even notice the tears rolling down my face until I felt Peyton pull me into a hug. She didn't have to say anything and I didn't want her to – she couldn't make this better with words. Grabbing my hand, she led me over to her wall of records and selected a vinyl from the shelf. And just like that we sat, the song playing, the tears rolling, and me wondering, wondering how things ever ended up like this.


	7. Chapter 6 Lie in the Sound

**Sorry there's been such a big delay in the update, I've just been so busy with coursework! Without further ado though, here is chapter 5! **

**Chapter 5 – Lie in the Sound**

I awoke in the morning, eyelids puffy from the night before. I didn't understand any of it, because why now, after all this time would my dad try to talk to me? The saddest thing was he only got in touch with me to find mom. That morning I was dreading school more than I ever had before, but when I got there though, the day actually began to pick up. I hadn't bumped into Lucas yet, and I'd finally decided to take Haley up on her offer of helping me get my grades back up. It wasn't till we finished our first tutoring session though, that I really got a shock.

"Brooke!" I heard Peyton call from behind me, as Haley and I headed to the school parking lot. "Wait up!"

Haley turned around too, flashing a smile at Peyton that, to my surprise, she actually returned. "Hi guys," she breathed. "Brooke, there was something we wanted to ask you about, we need your help."

"We? Sounds interesting," I remarked. "What about?"

Biting her lip, Haley shuffled her feet, staring down at them. "Okay you're starting to worry me, what's going on?"

"Well," Peyton began, linking her arm with mine as Haley took the other side. "One of our friends is moving to Alaska at the weekend to be closer to her grandparents, and well ... she's kind of a cheerleader –"

"No!" I shouted, unhooking my arms and stepping backwards. "No way, I'm not doing that."

"What, Brooke? You used to talk about how much you couldn't wait to be a high school cheerleader! And here's your chance!"

My eyes goggled at Peyton's cheery smile, wondering how on earth she expected me to cheerlead with no experience whatsoever, and there was also the small fact that I didn't even _want _to cheerlead. When I told this to them though, Haley waved me off.

"It's the same with tutoring," she told me. "You don't want to do something, because you don't know how. Take me, I never wanted to do this either, but when I learned that actually it wasn't that bad, I decided to help the girls out. You know, do them a favour, just like you would be."

"A huge favour," Peyton nodded. "Please Brooke ... pretty please?"

She noticed the determined look in my eyes falter as I considered that maybe cheerleading wouldn't be so bad. I could spend more time with the girls, and perhaps act like a proper teenager for once.

"Yes!" Peyton hissed, steering me back in the direction of the school. "Come on, we're late for training."

Inside the gym I could see the other girls warming up, and I felt the butterflies creep into my stomach. I said I wouldn't be stupid about this, but really, cheerleading? What was I thinking!

"Brooke!" Bevin smiled when she saw me, taking my hand. "I'm so glad you decided to join! Now I promise you, we'll go real slow through the routine to help you out."

I opened my mouth to respond when I heard the distant thud of a basketball getting closer and closer, before the doors slammed open and in bounded the entire basketball team. I could see Lucas chatting to a couple of the other guys, before someone passed him the ball. It was like slow motion, his body arched into the air, his hands lifting above his head as the ball flew straight into the net.

"Nice one Scott!" I heard from one of the team, but I didn't care to turn around and see who it was. All I could concentrate on was Lucas.

"I have a confession to make," Haley whispered in my ear, making me jump.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, turning my back on the basketball team. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "Well, apart from the fact that Nathan's still hardly not talking to me, and the only reason I joined this cheerleading team was to be closer to him – that was my confession." I watched her eyes wander behind me and I knew she was thinking about everything that had happened between them.

"I'm not like an expert on any of this," I told her as Bevin called the group around her. "But just give him time, you'd be surprised what it can do."

With a fleeting smile Haley split off from me to get into formation, as I stood there, thinking for what had to be the tenth time in the last five minutes why on earth I was doing this.

"Okay Brooke," Bevin called. "We'll start you off at the back, if you can go and stand next to Theresa?"

_Here goes, _I thought to myself. _Come on Brooke, you can do this._

"You were great," Peyton reassured me on the way home. "I promise. I wouldn't have suggested you do it if I didn't think you could."

I pressed my hand to my forehead, replaying the whole training session in my head. "I don't know Peyton, I screwed up loads of times and I knew everyone was watching!"

"What, as in the basketball team? Don't worry about them; they can't say anything until they actually win us a freaking game this season." She laughed shortly, her tone changing. "Look, I didn't want to bring it up earlier, but have you thought about your dad anymore?"

"Yeah, I have," I told her. "It's not that I don't love him, it's just ... he didn't even call me for _me_, Peyton. He called me for my mom. And I know I told my dad she was in Florida, but god knows where she really is. It's just wracking me with guilt, that I left without a word and now she could be anywhere."

Pulling over onto the side of the road, Peyton stopped the car. "Brooke, honey," she began, exhaling deeply. "You can't worry about what your mom thinks all the time, if you hadn't forgotten, she was the one that treated _you _like ass all these years, not the other way round. You had every right to walk out on her, don't spend the rest of your life worrying about what she thinks, okay?"

I nodded slowly. "I know that, I do. But I can't help feeling –"

"No." Peyton cut me off. "I will not let you feel guilty about this, not one bit. She may be your mother, but she's not a _mom_."

We spent the rest of the night like that, talking in the comet on the side of the road, not just about my mom and dad, but about everything. I knew I didn't need to feel guilty, but my mom was my mom, and as much as she hadn't given a crap about me since we'd moved away from Tree Hill, I knew that there was more to it than that. There had to be – because that was all I had left to hold on to.

Being alone was a peculiar thing. In a literal sense I had more people around me than ever, but inside my head I'd never felt so isolated. Maybe it had been like that for ages, and I just hadn't realised. I felt like I was mixing two worlds together, the one where I was fine, and the one where everything was falling apart. I'd spent my nights for the rest of the week lying awake until the early hours, thinking about cheerleading and boys and girls falling out, and how it compared to having to worry about what you were going to eat that night and how you could control your drunken parent lashing out at you. I knew which one I preferred, the sad thing was the one that I was used to. And just when I thought like it was all getting too much, I'd see the light flash up on my phone, and just the name that I needed to see.


	8. Chapter 7 The Good Kind

**I just want to start by sending HUGE apologies at the lack of updates recently, its exam time at the moment and most of my attention is going into revision and school work! I'm really sorry about that, but to make it up to you this is a longer chapter than usual! So without further ado, here's Chapter 7! **

Chapter 7 – The Good Kind

_Three texts in one day, to what do I owe the privilege? _

Even though I was staring at a screen full of words, I could see the face behind them. The blonde hair that was just growing slightly too long, the grinning smile that goofily liked to laugh at his own jokes, and those deep blue eyes that swept me away whenever I looked into them.

_Of course, where else could I find such wit? _

I typed in the message quickly, hauling my bag over my shoulder as I was on my way to Peyton's car from cheerleading practise. It had been three weeks since I'd joined, and no-one had been more surprised than me at how much I was enjoying it. There was the added benefit of seeing the basketball team of course, but my feelings for Lucas were something I didn't share. Over the weeks I'd found myself drawing closer and closer, only to retreat back. How could I even consider it? He was Peyton's ex-boyfriend, and as much as I wanted to let myself give in. I wouldn't.

I couldn't.

Throwing my bag in the back of my car, I felt my phone vibrate again as I opened the door for Haley to get in the passenger seat. The butterflies swarmed in my stomach as they usually did, and then the guilt followed straight after when I realised I could never tire of that feeling. The feeling of knowing someone cares, or maybe more than cares, who knew?

_You know it. Are you okay? _

That was the million dollar question, I thought as I tossed the phone into the glove compartment, reversing out of the car park. I was okay, so much better than I had been. I was trying to get rid of all my troubled parent thoughts, and get on with finally being a teenager. It was going better than I would have expected.

The car ride to Haley's was a short one, but one I was used to making now every Friday after practise. Usually we had Peyton with us as designated driver, but this week she'd been feeling ill, and had lent me the comet to get myself to and from school. The girls had finally made up a bit now that Nathan was eventually beginning to forgive Haley, and the atmosphere between the three of them was altogether more peaceful. What had struck me the most was what a loyal friend Haley actually was, and I wanted to more than anything to tell her about my growing feelings for Lucas, how his hand would linger a second too long on my shoulder in the corridor, or I'd catch him looking at me one too many times in the middle of a history lecture, or how many times this past week I'd stayed up texting him till the early hours, knowing we'd both regret it the next day. It was hard to explain, and I was sure Haley wouldn't get it. She was Lucas' best friend after all.

"Root beer floats?" She asked, laughing as we shut the door behind us. "As much as I love them, I'm sure this Friday root beer tradition is just putting on all those calories we burned off."

"You might be right," I smiled. "But then again, who can resist a root beer float? Hand me a glass?"

"Sure," Haley said, stooping down to get a glass from the bottom cupboard. "You know," she called back up to me, "I think Nathan and I made progress today."

"Oh yeah," I asked, interested. "What happened?"

"He asked me meet him tonight," she grinned. "I don't know where just yet, or what for, but he seemed to really want to spend time with me, which is always a good sign right?"

"Right," I agreed. "That's great Haley – I'm really pleased for you."

She stood with her hand on her hip, her head cocked to the side slightly. "You've got something on your mind, Brooke Davis," she stated. "We might not have known each other that long, but I'm a great judge of character. So spill it!"

Taken aback, I shook my head, stuttering over my words and fiddling with my glass, anything to stop myself from looking at her. If I looked, then I'd have to tell her everything. "What? That's crazy," I laughed sharply. "It's just school and stuff ... oh, is that my phone?"

"You left your phone in the car," Haley laughed. "Is it that bad! Brooke, wait!" she called as I made my apologies and headed out the door. There it was again, this stupid inability to never be able to talk about my feelings, and worst of all I'd left Haley hanging with two empty glasses and no-one to make a float with.

Back at Peyton's I'd realised I still hadn't text back, but before I could go to type another letter it was buzzing again.

_That bad, huh? Meet me tonight, river court – 10 o clock._

The guilt rose in my stomach yet again, every time it did when I was either with or planning to see Lucas. He was just so caring, and he made me feel like I was the only girl out there. Peyton was still sick, and I knew she wouldn't notice if I went out for a couple of hours, but still, part of me felt that I really should be telling her what I was doing. Technically, I wasn't doing much of anything, but I still felt like Peyton would hate me. And maybe I deserved it.

_I can't tonight, _I wrote back, promising myself I was doing the honourable thing. _Maybe tomorrow. _

It had hit half past nine, and all I could do was sit on the sofa grounding my once long nails into nothing as a way to deal with the nerves. All I could think was what Lucas was doing now, I hadn't received a reply, and maybe he was mad? I shouldn't have cared though; Peyton's feelings were always going to be more important to me.

I made my way up the stairs, turning out Peyton's light and pulling the blanket over her as she slept, her chest rising and falling.

"Night P. Sawyer," I whispered, going back downstairs to sit and torment myself some more. I was at the bottom step when I heard a knock on the door, and my heart lurched. I just knew who it was before I even opened the door, how could it be anyone else?

"You shouldn't be here," I whispered into the night, hating the way all I wanted to do was rake my hands through his hair and pull him towards me. "Lucas, I said I couldn't meet tonight."

"And I ignored you," he said seriously. "We need to talk, Brooke. If not tonight, than as soon as you can make it."

I pushed my fringe back in annoyance, leaning against the door frame. "Don't you get it?" I asked. "We can never _talk _Lucas, we need to stop all of these meetings! Can you imagine what Peyton would say if she knew?"

Lucas threw his hands up, letting them crash down at his sides, as he stared at me angrily. "What is it with you? Peyton and I aren't together anymore!" His expression changed then, like someone had pulled a film between us and I couldn't break through it anymore. "Anyway," he remarked, "it's not like there's anything going on here, is it?"

There was a horrible awkward silence, in which the only thing I could hear was the steady beat of my heart, as it felt like it was doing double back flips in my chest. How could he say that? We stared at each other for every torturous minute, wishing the ground would swallow me up.

"Right," I cleared my throat, blocking out every kind word he'd ever said. "Exactly, so what could you possibly want to talk about?" Without waiting for a response, I went to shut the door. "You should go now, goodnight Lucas."

Shutting the door with a snap, I felt the emotion rise in my chest, ready to burst out in waterfalls from my eyes. I pushed it back down, willing myself not to cry. I'd been through way too much to cry over a boy of all things. There was so much more important things happening in my life right now, and yet all I could think about was the look on his face when he pushed me away, and wonder helplessly why he was so angry?

That night I tossed and turned, realising the contradiction I'd made in the first place. What kind of person put told someone they should stop meeting, and then got upset when they agreed? The next day I immersed myself in looking after Peyton, buying her things from the convenience store to make her better, sitting watching chick flicks all day, basically being a best friend when I felt anything but. When night came round, I found myself in the same place, on the sofa while Peyton slept upstairs, thinking too much as always. When my thoughts got too much, I knew I needed to go for a walk, it had comforted me back with Mom when I needed to get away from the dark lonely nights in the house.

Pulling on a random pair of shoes and a jacket, I made my way silently out the front door, wandering around Tree Hill. Maybe I was looking for answers, but to what I couldn't even say myself. I found my way to the river court, watching the glittering lights sparkle off the water, and the silhouette of someone launching into the air, a ball releasing their hands and striking straight into the basket.

I don't know what propelled me to find my voice; just that once it started I couldn't stop myself. "Ten o'clock on the river court, right?" I called.

Lucas turned around, a flicker of surprise crossing his face. "You're a day late," he called back, dropping the basketball where he stood. "What are you doing here, Brooke?"

"I made a mistake," my voice faltered, wishing I could shut up already! "I'm sorry I told you to leave."

He stepped forward then, stopping a few paces in front of me. "You drive me crazy, Brooke Davis. We got so close these past few weeks, and then last night all I wanted to do was to tell you how I feel, and you sent me away. And then I did the stupidest thing _ever_, by telling you nothing was going on. Because it is going on, isn't it? And you can make excuses about Peyton or your parents all you want, but you know it just as well as I do." He reached his hand out to touch mine, the simplest thing and it sent currents racing all around my body, yearning for more.

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," I whispered, "for not letting you in before, I was just scared. I didn't know if I could talk about it, but I'll get better."

"I know," he nodded sincerely. "Of course you will, and I'll be there every step of the way." His fingertips traced up my arm, across the crook in my elbow to my shoulder, stopping finally at my cheek, where the pad of his thumb wiped away the tears I didn't know had sprouted.

"You drive me crazy, Brooke Davis," he repeated, leaning down closer and closer, so I could feel his breath framing my face, and before I could pause to think, his lips were on mine, soothing and gentle. It felt as if time had stood still, and then I was kissing him back, everything getting stronger and more insistent as his hand roped round the back of my neck, and I hooked my fingers through the loops on his belt, just wanting to be closer, and immerse myself in his warmth and goodness.

We melted into the night, just two people who found each other at exactly the right time and wanted more than anything to be with each other, despite what it would cost them.


	9. Chapter 8 Black Swan Song

**So sorry for the delay in updates, but exams are all done and there's a whole summer stretching ahead so updates should become more regular. Hope you enjoy chapter 8!**

**Chapter 8 – Black Swan Song**

"You drive me crazy, Brooke Davis," he repeated, leaning down closer and closer, so I could feel his breath framing my face, and before I could pause to think, his lips were on mine, soothing and gentle. It felt as if time had stood still, and then I was kissing him back, everything getting stronger and more insistent as his hand roped round the back of my neck, and I hooked my fingers through the loops on his belt, just wanting to be closer, and immerse myself in his warmth and goodness.

It took every ounce of strength I had to pull away, emotion bubbling in my veins and threatening to take over. "We shouldn't be doing this," I whispered, wishing I could forget everything and just kiss him the way I wanted to. But the moment was gone, and neither of us, try as we might, could get it back.

"Why?" He asked, a simple enough question and yet there were so many answers.

"Maybe because I'm staying with your ex-girlfriend, and I don't know anything that happened back then, what if she still has feelings for you?"

"Like you do?"

In any other circumstance it might be an arrogant comment, but right here right now it was the truest thing that had ever passed his lips, that up until now even I hadn't been able to say out loud.

"Yes, like I do."

"Then nothing else matters," he promised me, drawing me back in close."I promise you, we'll tell her together. Peyton and I aren't even together, we haven't been for months, and as far as I'm concerned there's nothing between us, its history."

I wanted more than anything to believe him, and because of that I did, I hung onto his words more than I'd done with anything before.

Taking my hand, Lucas led me over to the middle of the river court, sitting down cross-legged and waiting for me to do the same. And through the night, we sat, and we talked, and we laughed, and we even kissed a little more. I'd never felt this way before, and even though I knew it might be wrong, I'd never felt anything so right, and so honest and pure.

Lying down watching the stars, we stayed like that until the sun came up, it's rays arching over the town and bringing the beginning of a new day. I didn't want a new day, I could have stayed in the night for the rest of my life and been happy, but a new day meant dealing with the consequences.

"What time is it?" I asked Lucas eventually, wishing we could laze away Sunday as well.

"Around seven I think," he answered, his arm loosening around my shoulders. "Do you want to get back?"

"Do I want to or do I need to?" I laughed, "I'd love to stay here, you know that, but I think I have to go."

Lucas nodded like he understood, a faint smile playing across his lips. "What is it?" I asked. "What's so funny?"

The shallow side of me feared he might be laughing _at _me, my hair must look an absolute mess, and I almost definitely had mascara staining my face.

"Nothing," he smiled. "I'm just happy."

"Yeah," I agreed, suppressing an urge to giggle. "I know the feeling."

And I was happy, truly, more than I had been in what felt like forever. But the guilt still ate at me, and I knew I would have to tell Peyton today. I wanted to believe she'd understand, but deep down I knew she wouldn't. What right did I have to come into her town, stay in her home, take advantage of everything she'd ever given me and then spend all night making out with her ex boyfriend? I wasn't an expert on high school relationships, or even friendships anymore, but I was sure that violated some sort of girl code. And yet I couldn't do anything now, I was in way too deep of something, that honestly, I didn't want to get out of.

"What's wrong?" Lucas asked, "Are you thinking about Peyton again?"

"I might be..." I admitted slowly, letting him take my hands in his as we stood up. "I can't help it Lucas, I feel like we're doing something so wrong, like every time I look at you there's warning lights telling me to go back, that we're going to hurt everyone we care about."

He looked at me intently, like he was seeing and understanding every feeling I was trying to express. He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, flooding back all the memories of just last night and forcing me to resolve the fact that I couldn't throw this away.

Just behind us, I heard a car door slam, and the rumble of an engine. Simultaneously we looked around, only to see the tail of the comet thundering loudly away from the river court. I gulped loudly, nerves wrangling my stomach in knots.

"Luke," I whispered. "Shit, Luke, what are we going to do?"

He pulled me into a hug, and for the first time since this all started, I wondered why I'd gotten myself into this mess. There I was, not long ago preaching about the tribulations of love and high school drama that I couldn't quite grasp, and now I was plunged into the middle of one, and it was of my own causing.

"We'll go and talk to her," he murmured against my head. "Right now, come on."

"No," I pushed him away from me, my fingers connecting with his hard stomach. "I should do this, this is all my fault. Don't follow me Lucas – I have to do this alone.

I walked away, leaving him alone with his thoughts and all the wonderful memories we'd made, memories that were tarnished. I had to find Peyton as soon as possible. And I knew just where to go.

The spot under the bridge was one of the only places I truly remembered from Tree Hill, that place where I felt safe, where I could tell my best friend absolutely anything and I knew I wouldn't be judged or made to feel inadequate. I trod carefully down the incline to the seat I knew so well, only someone was already there. I took a deep breath, knowing I couldn't put this off any longer.

"Peyton?" I said quietly, knowing she could hear me. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

My heart was thudding loudly inside my chest, butterflies rising in my stomach. Maybe I should stop trying to talk to her, and just wait for her to talk to me. I stepped gingerly towards her, taking a seat on the hard concrete next to where Peyton sat, staring straight ahead.

It felt like an entire hour had passed, when probably I'd only been sitting there for thirty seconds. "Please, Peyton," I practically begged, looking at her as she continued to stare away from me. "Please just let me explain."

Suddenly her head whipped around, her tear-filled eyes boring into mine. She didn't even have to say anything, just looking at her eyes was punishment enough. "Please," she strangled out. "Please? You have the nerve to say _please _to me? After everything I've done for you, provided a bed for you every night since you got here, no questions asked, helped you out at school and tried my best," she spat, her voice rising alarmingly, "to make sure that you were happy, that you were getting on okay. You didn't say _please _when you shoved your tongue down Lucas' throat, did you Brooke? I don't quite recall that ever happening!"

Her voice was shaking, her eyes ready to overflow with tears, just as mine were. "I'm sorry," I said it with as much conviction as I could muster, hoping she'd see how sincerely I meant it. "Peyton, I am, you have to believe me. Lucas said there was nothing going on between you two –"

"Oh, spare me!" She yelled loudly, standing up. "You don't get it do you? It doesn't matter what Lucas Scott said! Did it ever occur to you, for one fraction of a second that I maybe, I don't know, might have still had feelings for him? That part of me hadn't healed from the break up? You hardly have a clue what happened back then Brooke, you have _no clue. _Did you ever think how it made me feel, to see you two on the river court today?"

I stood up myself. "Peyton I –"

"I was worried _sick _last night, Brooke. And now I don't know why I bothered so much. Don't know why I bothered calling Haley and Nathan and Bevin and Skills and everyone in the freaking phonebook to see if they'd heard from you, never even occurred to me to called Lucas, but then I guess that's my own stupid fault for not thinking you'd be a backstabbing bitch!"

"Peyton, I'm sorry!" I yelled back just as loudly, I needed to get my point across, to make her see how badly I felt about all of this. "But Lucas helped me, got me to open up a bit, talked things through –"

"And I didn't!" Peyton shouted incredulously. "Brooke, all I've done since you got here is tried to help you!"

"I know that! And I appreciate it, Peyton, but Lucas just – I can't even describe it. I fell way too deep and I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to find out like this."

"Stop it," she took a step towards me, and I braced myself for a slap, a punch, something I knew had to be coming. "Stop pretending like you two have a big epic romance going on. You know what you are, Brooke? You're nothing, a pawn in his big game to get every girl in Tree Hill to fall for him. Just don't be surprised when you're left with a broken heart and no boy, it's how he operates."

"You're wrong." I hated the way that I was fighting back, but I couldn't help it. "You're wrong about him, he's not like that."

And there it was. The slap. My cheek stung of regret and hurt and pain.

"If you weren't so pathetic I'd probably find this funny," she scoffed. "You come back to Tree Hill and act like you know everything when you know _nothing._ If you want my life, Brooke, the boy and the cheerleading, the parties and the popular lifestyle – have it. But when you're left with a broken heart and no boy, Brooke Davis, don't expect me to hang around either."

Everything around me fell silent, I couldn't hear anything, couldn't see anything else apart from Peyton's retreating figure. I slumped to the floor, hugging my knees to my chest, letting the tears flow silently. The words Peyton left me with echoed through my head, and I knew it was everything I deserved.


End file.
